Excellent breakdown. Thank you for this. I follow one other person who breaks down research in this way. You two will be my favorite accounts. No doubt.
Passing on values followed by age-appropriate autonomy seems to be the right ingredients. Much of today’s parenting is literally the opposite of this. They don’t pass on values and then hover.
Thank you for the kind words! There’s so much miscommunication out there about child development and scientific principles, so I’m grateful my approach to science communication rings home for you.
YW. I’m a family counselor. Typically, you breakdown research. I gather your dissection and others like you and present it (both in the counseling room and through writing) to a population that has no interest in academia but wants to know how to make their life better. It’s a chain of events that make society better.
It's always a balancing act. I remember my oldest daughter asking to catch the bus to the mall on her own the first time. She was to catch the bus to school the following year. She saw it as the same thing, it wasn't. But at some point you need to let them grow up. Here I was at home watching her phone icon on a map.
You’re absolutely right. A city bus is not the same as a school bus and, as a parent as well, my first instinct is “nope” for that scenario. But, another factor is maturity of our child/teen and that aids in when we feel we can let go of some of the control as a parent (even if it increases our own anxiety and we are nervously watching their phone’s location!). There’s really only so much science can tell us - it’s like a guide. At the end of the day, we do the best we can with each child and their own temperament.
This is such an interesting perspective! Like a previous commentator pointed out, culture and context matter in terms of what is appropriate boundaries, whether it's considered too much or too little, etc. Thanks for sharing!
I appreciate this topic. I am a PhD Student studying insecure attachment and African American Boys. One Helicopter parent came up in my most recent research findings. I found that many Black mothers use this parenting style due to historical trauma. I hope to write on this topic soon.. In my Community, many youth battle with overparenting and lose a sense of themselves in the process. Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your work.
There are so many cultural differences in parenting types and styles, for a host of different reasons. And you're absolutely right that Black mothers tend to use this parenting style due to historical and generational trauma. Personally, I can't blame them. Cultural psychology is outside my domain of expertise, so I tend to shy away from making any professional claims, but I do love to read research and writings about it. I'm looking forward to reading your writings!
I plan to do one later on! But, the same principles exist. Helicopters/lawnmower parenting may have good intentions (I.e., protecting their children) but the execution of it is related to stifled confidence, independence, and increased internalizing behaviors - even in the younger kiddos. This is due to the implicit message they receive, which is “I can’t do that. My mom/parent/caregiver has never let me.”
Long story short: firm boundaries are good, but letting them explore their world allows them grow in confidence.
Excellent breakdown. Thank you for this. I follow one other person who breaks down research in this way. You two will be my favorite accounts. No doubt.
Passing on values followed by age-appropriate autonomy seems to be the right ingredients. Much of today’s parenting is literally the opposite of this. They don’t pass on values and then hover.
Thank you for the kind words! There’s so much miscommunication out there about child development and scientific principles, so I’m grateful my approach to science communication rings home for you.
YW. I’m a family counselor. Typically, you breakdown research. I gather your dissection and others like you and present it (both in the counseling room and through writing) to a population that has no interest in academia but wants to know how to make their life better. It’s a chain of events that make society better.
It's always a balancing act. I remember my oldest daughter asking to catch the bus to the mall on her own the first time. She was to catch the bus to school the following year. She saw it as the same thing, it wasn't. But at some point you need to let them grow up. Here I was at home watching her phone icon on a map.
You’re absolutely right. A city bus is not the same as a school bus and, as a parent as well, my first instinct is “nope” for that scenario. But, another factor is maturity of our child/teen and that aids in when we feel we can let go of some of the control as a parent (even if it increases our own anxiety and we are nervously watching their phone’s location!). There’s really only so much science can tell us - it’s like a guide. At the end of the day, we do the best we can with each child and their own temperament.
This is great, and I love that you shared the link to the journal article. Congrats on putting this out into the world in some plain language!
Thank you! I’m excited for all the topics to come and to educate outside of my academic classroom 👏🏻
saved to read this week, looking forward to it.
Hello! I'm really glad I found your work - this is a great piece! I haven't got teens yet, so it's uncharted territory.
I spent 18 months living with my three small children in traditional villages in South America and Africa and the difference in interactions with children was fascinating. I wrote about it here if you're interested. :) https://guenbradbury.substack.com/p/parentification-or-infantilisation?r=4bpym1
This is such an interesting perspective! Like a previous commentator pointed out, culture and context matter in terms of what is appropriate boundaries, whether it's considered too much or too little, etc. Thanks for sharing!
You're welcome. I really enjoyed your article, thank you for writing! :)
I appreciate this topic. I am a PhD Student studying insecure attachment and African American Boys. One Helicopter parent came up in my most recent research findings. I found that many Black mothers use this parenting style due to historical trauma. I hope to write on this topic soon.. In my Community, many youth battle with overparenting and lose a sense of themselves in the process. Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your work.
There are so many cultural differences in parenting types and styles, for a host of different reasons. And you're absolutely right that Black mothers tend to use this parenting style due to historical and generational trauma. Personally, I can't blame them. Cultural psychology is outside my domain of expertise, so I tend to shy away from making any professional claims, but I do love to read research and writings about it. I'm looking forward to reading your writings!
Thank you for this, really valuable. Any info out there on this topic for younger children?
I plan to do one later on! But, the same principles exist. Helicopters/lawnmower parenting may have good intentions (I.e., protecting their children) but the execution of it is related to stifled confidence, independence, and increased internalizing behaviors - even in the younger kiddos. This is due to the implicit message they receive, which is “I can’t do that. My mom/parent/caregiver has never let me.”
Long story short: firm boundaries are good, but letting them explore their world allows them grow in confidence.
I totally agree, so lovely to have the research on back me up
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