Orchid or Dandelion? The Science of Resiliency
Resilience isn't something we have or don't - it's something we build.
As the Month of the Military Child wrapped up last week, I’d be remiss not to talk about resilience. Military kids are often hailed as remarkably resilient—due to frequent relocations, long stretches of time with a parent deployed, and the constant need to build new friendships wherever they land. In short, they bloom where they’re planted, earning them the nickname “dandelions” (yes, like those stubborn little flowers that pop up in New York City sidewalks). But here’s the thing: resilience isn’t exclusive to military children. It’s a skill anyone can grow. So today, let’s unpack what resilience really means and how we can build it in the children we care about.
Let’s Define It:
Resilience is the ability of some children to develop competence despite exposure to adversity. It doesn’t mean avoiding hardship—it means adapting through it.
In the world of developmental psychology, resilience isn’t a trait you have or don’t. It’s a dynamic process, meaning it is a back-and-forth dance between internal strengths (like temperament or IQ) and external supports (like parenting or community).
Quick Science Bites (Buzzword Breakdown):
Risk Factors = External challenges that increase the likelihood of poor outcomes (e.g., parental mental illness, abuse, poverty).
Protective Factors = External supports that buffer the effects of risk (e.g., nurturing caregivers, strong schools).
Vulnerabilities = Internal traits that make kids more susceptible to negative outcomes (e.g., genetic predispositions).
Resiliencies = Internal traits that promote positive outcomes in tough environments (e.g., high IQ, emotional regulation).
This framing is part of the developmental psychopathology perspective, which studies both risk and resilience across time.
Orchid or Dandelion?
Some kids are like dandelions: hardy, flexible, and able to grow almost anywhere. Others are like orchids: more sensitive, but capable of thriving magnificently in just the right conditions.
Research shows that:
Orchid-like kids are more sensitive both to negative and positive environments.
Dandelions are less reactive, but also less responsive to high-quality environments.
So when we see a child struggling, it’s not necessarily because they’re "weak"—they might just need more targeted care to thrive.
Research Spotlight: The Kauai Longitudinal Study
Let’s time-travel to 1955 on the island of Kauai, where 698 children were followed from birth to age 40.1
Here’s what they found:
30% of kids were born into poverty, exposed to family discord, parental mental illness, and low maternal education.
Of those, two-thirds developed learning or behavioral problems.
But one-third? They beat the odds.
These kids:
Had at least one emotionally stable, supportive adult.
Showed early temperament traits like cheerfulness and sociability.
Developed strong problem-solving skills, reading ability, and a sense of purpose.
By midlife, they had stable jobs, strong relationships, and fewer chronic health problems than peers who had never been “high-risk.”
Modern Insights: Resilience in Today’s Context
Timing Matters: A 2025 Yale study2 found that experiencing low-to-moderate adversity during middle childhood (ages 6–12) and adolescence can foster resilience to anxiety in adulthood.
This resilience is linked to enhanced brain activity in regions responsible for distinguishing safety from threat, meaning that certain challenges can strengthen coping mechanisms when encountered during specific developmental windows.
Beyond Binary Outcomes: Responses to trauma are not simply about developing or not developing a disorder (e.g., PTSD, anxiety, depression).3
Instead, people exhibit a range of outcomes, from recovery to growth.
This shows the importance of flexible coping strategies and the dynamic nature of resilience.
Long Story Short
A tough beginning doesn’t equal a tragic ending. With the right mix of support and skill-building, many children thrive despite multiple adversities.
Let’s Layer in the Science
Here’s how developmental science helps us understand the how and why:
Endogenous factors (within the child):
Vulnerabilities: e.g., certain genetic polymorphisms make some kids more likely to develop PTSD after trauma.
Resiliencies: e.g., high intelligence consistently buffers against the effects of poverty and trauma.
Exogenous factors (outside the child):
Risk factors: e.g., abuse or community violence raises the likelihood of depression or delinquency.
Protective factors: e.g., involved caregivers, consistent routines, and access to therapy reduce these risks.
The 7 C’s of Resilience
Dr. Ken Ginsburg outlines 7 core building blocks of resilience in children (with some of my examples and phrases). I love using these when I teach or present to parents, because they’re practical and empowering:
Competence – Knowing how to handle stress and practicing those skills (“I can handle this.”).
Example: A 10-year-old who’s been taught how to calmly ask for help when stuck on a math problem instead of shutting down or getting angry.
Confidence – Built on real successes, not empty praise (“I believe in myself.”).
Example: A teen earns praise for their creative solution to a group project—not just for "being smart," but for how they worked through a tough roadblock.
Connection – Secure relationships with adults and peers (“I’m not alone.").
Example: A middle schooler has a trusted teacher they can talk to when things at home feel overwhelming.
Character – Internalized values that guide behavior (“I know what’s right.”).
Example: A child returns a lost wallet instead of keeping the money because they’ve learned integrity and empathy at home and in school.
Contribution – Seeing that you can make a difference (“I matter.”).
Example: A teen volunteers to help younger students learn to read and sees the positive impact of their efforts.
Coping – A repertoire of healthy strategies (not just “suck it up”, but “I can manage my emotions.”).
Example: A child learns to use deep breathing or journaling instead of yelling when they’re upset.
Control – Believing your choices and actions matter (“My choices shape my life.”).
Example: A high schooler creates their own study schedule for finals and sees their grades improve.
These aren’t just fluff—they’re deeply rooted in empirical research and align with the factors identified in resilience studies like Kauai.
Quick Takeaways
Resilience is not a trait—it’s a process.
Kids need both internal strengths and external supports to thrive.
Even in the face of multiple risk factors, positive adaptation is possible.
A single caring adult can make a profound difference.
We should be cultivating the 7 C’s in every parenting, teaching, and community setting.
Some kids seem to thrive no matter what—but survival alone shouldn't be the goal. We should be building systems, relationships, and communities that help all kids thrive. That means recognizing vulnerability, investing in protection, and actively nurturing the strengths that foster resilience.
Because every child deserves more than just a chance to get by—they deserve the chance to grow, bloom, and belong.
Excellent take on resilience. Society certainly needs more of this.
You provided so much food for thought here.