The Science Behind the Good Enough Parent

Why and how attuned, imperfect parenting still builds well-adjusted and resilient kids.

Note: Why the “Buy Me a Coffee” button? I work full time, parent 3 young kids, and write Development Decoded in my “free” time. I’ll always keep it free to read because I believe science should be open and accessible, but if you’d like to support the research, writing, and resources I share here, you can now do that (one coffee at a time).

You’ve likely heard about Dr. Donald Winnicott’s concept of the “good enough” parent: a caregiver who doesn’t have to be perfect, just reliably attuned, especially when distress hits. Introduced in 1953, it was a radical shift from the dominant parenting advice of the late 1940s/early 1950s. What’s remarkable is that decades of research now show this imperfect approach isn’t just enough—it’s optimal for healthy development. In today’s post, we’ll explore the original concept and the growing scientific foundation that supports it.

Fun fact: this principle of being “good enough” has even been successfully used in the business world and other professional settings.

---

Key Concepts

• Good Enough Parent: According to Dr. Donald Winnicott, parents only need to meet children’s needs some of the time. This allows infants to experience healthy frustration and self-regulation.

• Attunement: Responding sensitively, not perfectly, to a child's emotional cues.

• Repair: When misattunement happens (inevitable), reconnecting and restoring emotional balance becomes the growth moment.

---

Research Spotlight

• Mid‑range responsiveness is ideal: Infant research finds that caregivers who ended more than half of infant crying episodes with chest-to-chest soothing and avoided frightening/disruptive behaviors, produce more resilient children than those who under- or over‑respond (Woodhouse et al., 2020).

• Sensitivity matters more than consistency: Meta-analytic findings show that maternal sensitivity (this means the caregiver ability to accurately attune and respond) predicts child well-being across contexts, even under stress (Booth et al., 2018).

  • “Sensitive caregiving” sets the stage for support for learning and exploration (aka: secure attachment; Feeney & Woodhouse, 2016; Wade et al., 2015).

• Good‑enough parenting fosters secure attachment: Even later in childhood, warm, responsive caregiving that provided more autonomy support in the child (e.g., allowing independence, honoring their perspective) fosters emotional security (Gattis et al., 2022) and reduces externalizing problems later in life (Chen et al., 2025).

  • This all occurs even with later in life responsive caregiving, counteracting earlier misattunement. This is also in line with research in a recent post:

• Parental emotional coaching supports coping: Parents who label, validate, and coach emotions (i.e., a meta-emotion philosophy) raise children who use adaptive strategies—rather than acting out or internalizing their distress.

• Good‑enough parenting holds up under pressure: A qualitative study of Australian mothers who use drugs (Valentine et al., 2019) found that, despite social stigma and adversity, many demonstrated consistent harm-reduction strategies, emotional warmth, and protective routines. Their efforts reflect Winnicott’s concept of “good enough” caregiving, where attunement and presence, not perfection, support secure attachment and child well-being.

---

What Does ‘Good Enough Parenting’ Look Like?

Winnicott’s concept wasn’t about settling for mediocrity. It was a compassionate, evidence-based recognition that perfect parenting isn’t possible or necessary for healthy development.

Here’s what “good enough” looks like in everyday life:

• You miss a cue, but come back to repair.
  Maybe you snapped or dismissed a feeling in the moment. But you circle back later and say, “I didn’t handle that how I wanted to. Can we talk about it?”

• You hold boundaries, even when they’re met with big feelings.
  You can say no to another snack or bedtime delay while staying calm and connected. “I know you’re upset. I’m here if you want a hug while you calm down.”

• You repeat things because regulation takes repetition.
  Kids don’t learn emotional skills from a single conversation. “Good enough” parents offer consistent support, even when they’re saying the same thing for the 47th time.

• You aim for attunement, not perfection.
  You won’t respond flawlessly to every emotion. What matters is that over time, the child feels seen, soothed, and supported.

• You’re open to learning—and to apologizing.
  “Good enough” parents don’t get it right every time, but they’re willing to reflect and grow. That teaches kids how to do the same.

• You show up even when you’re tired, unsure, or overwhelmed.
  Presence matters more than performance. Being emotionally available (not perfectly regulated) is what builds security.

---

Why It Matters

• Imperfect parenting helps build regulation: Children develop emotional resilience not in spite of, but because of, mismatches that are gently repaired.

• Attunement builds lifelong skills: Sensitive responsiveness shapes stress-regulation systems early on, supporting self-control and adaptability later.

• High expectations and high tolerance for imperfection: Growing kids need boundaries and limits—and they also need proof that mistakes can be healed without judgment (this is what authoritative parenting looks like!).

---

Long Story Short

Good‑enough parenting isn’t a compromise, it’s a developmental strategy. You don’t need to get everything right. You only need to get it right enough and know how to repair when you don’t.

---

Quick Takeaways

• Winnicott (and current research!) said perfect isn’t necessary, but attuned connection is.

• Research shows responding well more than 50% of the time builds more resilience than constant intervention.

• Sensitive, responsive caregiving predicts better emotional well-being, despite stress or inconsistency.

• Emotion coaching (labeling and guiding feelings) teaches coping, not just compliance.

• Repair teaches trust: emotional connection can bend, not break.

Good enough parenting isn't about lowering the bar. It’s about raising children who know that love includes repair, not perfection.

---

References

Booth, A. T., Macdonald, J. A., Youssef, G. J. (2018). Contextual stress and maternal sensitivity: A meta-analytic review of stress associations with the Maternal Behavior Q-Sort in observational studies. Developmental Review, 48, 145-177. doi:10.1016/j.dr.2018.02.002

Chen, X., Ji, Y., Xia, C., & Wu, W. (2025). Predicting preschoolers’ externalising problems with mother–child interaction dynamics and deep learning. Journal of Psychology and AI, 1(1). doi:10.1080/29974100.2025.2515289

Jones, J. D., Stern, J. A., Fitter, M. H., Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., & Cassidy, J. (2022). Attachment and attitudes toward children: Effects of security priming in parents and non-parents. Attachment and Human Development, 24(2), 147-168. doi:10.1080/14616734.2021.1881983

Gattis, M., Winstanley, A., & Bristow, F. (2022). Parenting beliefs about attunement and structure are related to observed parenting behaviours. Cogent psychology, 9(1), 2082675. doi:10.1080/23311908.2022.2082675

Valentine, K., Smyth, C., & Newland, J. (2018). ‘Good enough’ parenting: Negotiating standards and stigma. International Journal of Drug Policy, 68, 117-123. doi:10.1016/j.drugpo.2018.07.009

Wade, M., Moore, C., Astington, J. W., Frampton, K., & Jenkins, J. M. (2015). Cumulative contextual risk, maternal responsivity, and social cognition at 18 months. Development and Psychopathology, 27(1), 189–203. doi:10.1017/S0954579414000674

Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena; a study of the first not-me possession. The International journal of psycho-analysis, 34(2), 89–97.

Woodhouse, S. S., Scott, J. R., Hepworth, A. D., & Cassidy, J. (2020). Secure base provision: A new approach to examining links between maternal caregiving and infant attachment. Child Development, 91(1), e249-e264. doi:10.1111/cdev.13224