I really wish more parents were familiar with these concepts. It takes the pressure of perfection and let's parents focus on and foster a relationship that is more real and attainable. It's great that you back it up with research too!
Yes - there is so much pressure on parents to be perfect, say the right script, take the right "course", etc. When in fact, it is okay to be 'good enough'.
After giving up on being a perfect mother during the first ten years (or so) of being a mom to three while working full-time, I decided that being a good-enough mother was something I could achieve. When I felt shaky, angry, or tired from too much work, etc, I often asked my husband to reaffirm this concept for me. It helped so much.
Even though I'm the one that created the post, even just reading your comment reminded me it's okay to be a good enough parent while in the trenches of early motherhood!
I just went back to the Woodhouse paper and I don’t think it makes any claims about responding 50% of the time being optimal – could you provide the page reference you are referring to? I quote what seems to be the most relevant section of the text below; what it says is simply >50% is better than <50%.
“Mothers who scored 5 on the SBP global score had at least a 50:50 ratio of infant crying epi-sodes that ended in chest-to-chest soothing, demon-strated calm regulated connectedness outside of crying episodes, and additionally demonstrated a number of positive maternal behaviors during infant crying episodes (e.g., active soothing, verbal expressions of understanding the source of distress, patient continuation of soothing in the face of last-ing distress). Mothers who scored 1 on the SBP glo-bal score had a ratio lower than 50:50 of infant crying episodes that ended in chest-to-chest sooth-ing, demonstrated major problematic behaviors during infant crying episodes that disrupted the process of comforting the distressed infant, and lacked calm regulated connectedness. Mothers also received a 1 who showed even a single maternal frightening behavior during an infant crying epi-sode regardless of any other maternal behaviors. Mothers who scored 3 on global SBP typically had at least a 50:50 ratio of infant crying episodes that ended in chest-to-chest soothing (but also demon-strated major problematic behaviors during infant crying episodes) and demonstrated calm, regulated connectedness outside of infant crying episodes.”
Great catch - thanks for the close read! You’re right that the paper doesn’t say 50% is optimal. I used “50%” as a reader-friendly shorthand because in Woodhouse et al.’s SBP coding, a ≥50:50 ratio of crying episodes that end in chest-to-chest soothing (together with calm, regulated connectedness and the absence of frightening/disruptive behaviors) mapped to higher SBP scores, whereas <50:50 (and/or frightening/disruptive behavior) mapped lower. In other words, the study uses 50% as a threshold in their scoring, not a performance target. The practical takeaway is “more often than not,” not “aim for 50%.”
I appreciate the nudge on precision. I’ll tweak the wording in the post to say “more than half” rather than “50%” so it reflects the study’s intent more clearly.
I really enjoyed this piece. It resonates deeply, especially your framing that “good enough is not mediocre” and the reminder that repair after a misstep and presence over perfection are what truly matter.
It made me think about how “repair” isn’t just for the child. It reshapes the parent, too. Each time we come back after a rupture, we’re practicing humility, empathy, and adaptability in real time. In that sense, “good enough” parenting doesn’t just raise resilient kids. It slowly rewires us into more grounded, self-aware adults.
Yes! I made sure to add that because I know sometimes people who tend to be perfectionistic or slightly anxious can perceive 'good enough parenting' to mean 'average' or 'mediocre' when that is not what is meant at all!
Thank you for this concept. I think ‘good enough parent’ is exactly what I want to embrace, because perfection is too elusive, and as a perfectionist, I put huge demands on myself that I don’t actually need. The truth is, I am a good enough mother. At our last pediatrician visit (my son just turned two), the doctor reminded me not to jump in for every tiny problem — let him get frustrated, let him struggle a bit, because that’s part of life. He even said, ‘Be more like a father, less like a mother.’ My husband is an amazing, attuned dad, but he doesn’t react to every little demand the way I do. I’m trying to gently practice the same now.
I really appreciated how you grounded the concept in research while also making it feel so human and attainable. The examples of everyday “good enough” moments made it much easier to picture what this actually looks like in real life - which I think is what many parents need most.
I really wish more parents were familiar with these concepts. It takes the pressure of perfection and let's parents focus on and foster a relationship that is more real and attainable. It's great that you back it up with research too!
Yes - there is so much pressure on parents to be perfect, say the right script, take the right "course", etc. When in fact, it is okay to be 'good enough'.
After giving up on being a perfect mother during the first ten years (or so) of being a mom to three while working full-time, I decided that being a good-enough mother was something I could achieve. When I felt shaky, angry, or tired from too much work, etc, I often asked my husband to reaffirm this concept for me. It helped so much.
Even though I'm the one that created the post, even just reading your comment reminded me it's okay to be a good enough parent while in the trenches of early motherhood!
I just went back to the Woodhouse paper and I don’t think it makes any claims about responding 50% of the time being optimal – could you provide the page reference you are referring to? I quote what seems to be the most relevant section of the text below; what it says is simply >50% is better than <50%.
“Mothers who scored 5 on the SBP global score had at least a 50:50 ratio of infant crying epi-sodes that ended in chest-to-chest soothing, demon-strated calm regulated connectedness outside of crying episodes, and additionally demonstrated a number of positive maternal behaviors during infant crying episodes (e.g., active soothing, verbal expressions of understanding the source of distress, patient continuation of soothing in the face of last-ing distress). Mothers who scored 1 on the SBP glo-bal score had a ratio lower than 50:50 of infant crying episodes that ended in chest-to-chest sooth-ing, demonstrated major problematic behaviors during infant crying episodes that disrupted the process of comforting the distressed infant, and lacked calm regulated connectedness. Mothers also received a 1 who showed even a single maternal frightening behavior during an infant crying epi-sode regardless of any other maternal behaviors. Mothers who scored 3 on global SBP typically had at least a 50:50 ratio of infant crying episodes that ended in chest-to-chest soothing (but also demon-strated major problematic behaviors during infant crying episodes) and demonstrated calm, regulated connectedness outside of infant crying episodes.”
Great catch - thanks for the close read! You’re right that the paper doesn’t say 50% is optimal. I used “50%” as a reader-friendly shorthand because in Woodhouse et al.’s SBP coding, a ≥50:50 ratio of crying episodes that end in chest-to-chest soothing (together with calm, regulated connectedness and the absence of frightening/disruptive behaviors) mapped to higher SBP scores, whereas <50:50 (and/or frightening/disruptive behavior) mapped lower. In other words, the study uses 50% as a threshold in their scoring, not a performance target. The practical takeaway is “more often than not,” not “aim for 50%.”
I appreciate the nudge on precision. I’ll tweak the wording in the post to say “more than half” rather than “50%” so it reflects the study’s intent more clearly.
I really enjoyed this piece. It resonates deeply, especially your framing that “good enough is not mediocre” and the reminder that repair after a misstep and presence over perfection are what truly matter.
It made me think about how “repair” isn’t just for the child. It reshapes the parent, too. Each time we come back after a rupture, we’re practicing humility, empathy, and adaptability in real time. In that sense, “good enough” parenting doesn’t just raise resilient kids. It slowly rewires us into more grounded, self-aware adults.
Yes! I made sure to add that because I know sometimes people who tend to be perfectionistic or slightly anxious can perceive 'good enough parenting' to mean 'average' or 'mediocre' when that is not what is meant at all!
Thank you for this concept. I think ‘good enough parent’ is exactly what I want to embrace, because perfection is too elusive, and as a perfectionist, I put huge demands on myself that I don’t actually need. The truth is, I am a good enough mother. At our last pediatrician visit (my son just turned two), the doctor reminded me not to jump in for every tiny problem — let him get frustrated, let him struggle a bit, because that’s part of life. He even said, ‘Be more like a father, less like a mother.’ My husband is an amazing, attuned dad, but he doesn’t react to every little demand the way I do. I’m trying to gently practice the same now.
I love that this look at parenting gives a LOT of chances. I can try again. Phew!
"Good enough" parenting isn't about lowering my desire to get things right, it's about lowering my stress about getting them right NOW. ❤
Thank you. Still learning as a grandpa!
I really appreciated how you grounded the concept in research while also making it feel so human and attainable. The examples of everyday “good enough” moments made it much easier to picture what this actually looks like in real life - which I think is what many parents need most.