I love this so much! Cuddles with my little are my favorite. I love reading about the science behind the simple relationship things that feel good and are good
Laura, I wondered what you thought was an average age in development where holding the child begins to hinder their development.
I’m not seeing much ire towards skin to skin among infants, but I am seeing parents hold their 4 year old everywhere.
This seems to stifle growth to me. It seems to slow psychomotor skills, reduce the likelihood of developing problems solving skills, and reduce overall social aptitude.
I realize everyone matures differently, but is there an average age where this becomes a problem?
This is a great question. My first thought before judgment is always, “are there mobility issues? Cognitive issues? Maybe the kid is just tired or something.” But overall, by 4 years old, a typically developing child should want some independence from their parent/caregiver. The parent shouldn’t be carrying around a 4 year old as often as an infant, but it’s important to remember that all ages (even adults) need that physical touch. Some need it more than others. Also, a parent who is constantly holding their 4yo also must be pretty physically strong!
So no, I don’t think there’s an average age where there’s a problem. I even like holding my 6.5yo from time to time for short bursts, just to see the smile on his face.
I think it naturally fades away as the kids get physically too big. Most things happen in due time and it’s important to remember that “typical” is a wide range for most development milestones.
It’s interesting how the US has really leaned into the idea of expecting babies to become more independent emotionally. How will they know how to self soothe without someone to show them what this looks like? Love the scientific take on this.
You’re exactly right. There’s a reason that both caregiver and baby release oxytocin when cuddling. It’s supposed to make us feel all warm and cuddly because their bodies and brains need us to do it over and over again.
I was skin to skin with all my children. As a result, I am close to each one of them. I pick all my kids up when they ask. I do not follow the trend of neglecting my kids for the sake of not spoiling them.
The internet and social platform etc reduce the chance of people meeting in person, less hugging (if not counting virtual hugs), less eye contact, less crying on a friend's shoulder literarily.... Gone or reduced with these might be the unique emotional benefits etc with such intimate human interactions
I love this so much! Cuddles with my little are my favorite. I love reading about the science behind the simple relationship things that feel good and are good
Laura, I wondered what you thought was an average age in development where holding the child begins to hinder their development.
I’m not seeing much ire towards skin to skin among infants, but I am seeing parents hold their 4 year old everywhere.
This seems to stifle growth to me. It seems to slow psychomotor skills, reduce the likelihood of developing problems solving skills, and reduce overall social aptitude.
I realize everyone matures differently, but is there an average age where this becomes a problem?
This is a great question. My first thought before judgment is always, “are there mobility issues? Cognitive issues? Maybe the kid is just tired or something.” But overall, by 4 years old, a typically developing child should want some independence from their parent/caregiver. The parent shouldn’t be carrying around a 4 year old as often as an infant, but it’s important to remember that all ages (even adults) need that physical touch. Some need it more than others. Also, a parent who is constantly holding their 4yo also must be pretty physically strong!
So no, I don’t think there’s an average age where there’s a problem. I even like holding my 6.5yo from time to time for short bursts, just to see the smile on his face.
I think it naturally fades away as the kids get physically too big. Most things happen in due time and it’s important to remember that “typical” is a wide range for most development milestones.
Agree.
Adults too. Cuddling is one of the simple things adults could do to boost happiness:
https://drjaneforhappiness.substack.com/p/what-are-your-fun-ways-that-build?r=31zx1q
It’s interesting how the US has really leaned into the idea of expecting babies to become more independent emotionally. How will they know how to self soothe without someone to show them what this looks like? Love the scientific take on this.
You’re exactly right. There’s a reason that both caregiver and baby release oxytocin when cuddling. It’s supposed to make us feel all warm and cuddly because their bodies and brains need us to do it over and over again.
I was skin to skin with all my children. As a result, I am close to each one of them. I pick all my kids up when they ask. I do not follow the trend of neglecting my kids for the sake of not spoiling them.
I wonder whether or how much this internet era reduces such benefits (not just from snuggling, but also interacting in person).
How do you mean? I think this is a really interesting line of questioning.
The internet and social platform etc reduce the chance of people meeting in person, less hugging (if not counting virtual hugs), less eye contact, less crying on a friend's shoulder literarily.... Gone or reduced with these might be the unique emotional benefits etc with such intimate human interactions
I firmly believe there is a connection to device use and 1) lower levels of oxytocin being released and 2) more reliance on dopamine.
I wouldn’t call it a crisis, but there is reason to be alert.