Same Skill, Different Stage: The Thread of Independence

How early lessons in “I’ll do it myself” shape growth into early adulthood

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In early childhood, we often celebrate small acts of independence such as a toddler pouring juice or zipping a jacket (this is a nod to my post on toddler independence). These milestones aren't just adorable; they're foundational: moments where competence, autonomy, and resilience begin to grow.

As a college professor, I see those same dynamics play out years later in the higher education classroom. The small skills we nurture in early childhood (e.g., problem-solving, persistence, tolerating frustration) become the scaffolding for much larger challenges in young adulthood. By the time students arrive on a college campus, they’re no longer practicing with zippers and juice boxes, but with time management, complex ideas, and life-altering decisions.

Importantly, these are not children. They’re adults stepping into what Jeffrey Arnett (2000; 2015) calls emerging adulthood, a developmental period marked by identity exploration, increased independence, and learning to balance freedom with responsibility.

And just like with toddlers, the balance matters: step in too quickly, and you rob them of the chance to develop confidence; step back too far, and you risk leaving them unsupported. Higher education, at its best, builds on those early lessons of independence: providing enough structure for students to grow, but enough space for them to stumble, recalibrate, and ultimately thrive.

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Key Concepts

• Autonomy: The feeling that one is in control of decisions and actions. When people act autonomously, they're motivated by personal values, not external pressures.

• Competence: A perception that one has the skills or abilities to effectively meet a challenge and succeed.

• Relatedness: The need to feel connected, understood, and supported in one’s community.

• Self‑Regulated Learning (SRL): A process where students actively monitor, plan, and adjust their learning strategies. SRL includes metacognition (“thinking about their thinking”) and purposeful strategy use.

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Research Spotlight

Autonomy boosts performance: A study at Carnegie Mellon University found that giving college students more autonomy, not more constraints, improved their attendance and academic performance (Cullen & Oppenheimer, 2024).

Self‑determination correlates with success: Among first-year college students, higher self‑determination correlated with better life satisfaction (explaining ~61% of the variance) and higher first‑term GPA (33% of the variance; Graham & Vaughn, 2022). This underscores the powerful link between autonomy, competence, and real academic outcomes (Grigal et al., 2013).

Advising as autonomy scaffolding: Research from Kinsella et al. (2023) shows that advisors can strengthen student autonomy, especially when they foster intrapersonal ownership (“you can steer your path”) and relational embeddedness (“you’re supported even as you lead”).

Self‑regulated learning transitions: The shift to distance learning during the COVID‑19 pandemic saw a drop in students’ autonomy and competence satisfaction, leading to lower intrinsic motivation and vitality (Müller et al., 2021). This is a reminder that autonomy is fragile and needs sustained support.

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Why This Matters

• Development builds in layers: The independence we encourage in early childhood is not a separate skill set from what young adults need - it’s the same foundation, only extended.

  • A toddler who learns to persist through frustration with a zipper is practicing the very self-regulation a college student needs when faced with a challenging exam or a time-management slip-up.

• Patterns repeat across the lifespan: Across decades of early childhood and higher education research, autonomy and competence are built through trial, error, and recovery (e.g., Deci et al., 1991).

  • Developmental psychology shows that these processes don’t end after childhood. In fact, they reappear at every major transition, from adolescence to young adulthood.

• College students are adults in transition: In emerging adulthood, the task isn’t about “learning to be grown-up”. The task is about practicing independence in the adult roles they already inhabit. Supporting autonomy respects their adulthood while recognizing that development continues into the twenties.

• Higher education as the “next stage of scaffolding”: Just as parents and caregivers provide the safety net for young children, faculty and advisors provide it for college students. Our role isn’t to shield students from every mistake but to create a structured environment where they can practice independence with guidance in the background (Jang et al., 2010).

• Resilience and thriving depend on it: Whether in preschool or in college, students who experience autonomy support, balanced with connection, are more motivated, more resilient, and better equipped to handle setbacks. These aren’t just academic outcomes; they’re life outcomes.

• Autonomy is respect: Supporting students’ independence isn’t coddling - it’s treating them as the adults they are, while recognizing that growth continues into the twenties.

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Long Story Short

When students feel in control, capable, and supported, they flourish academically and personally. Autonomy isn’t about abandoning support - it’s about shifting the balance toward ownership. Effective academic advising plays a critical role in scaffolding autonomy, fostering resilience, and enabling students to become confident, capable adults.

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Practical Tips for Faculty & Advisors

• Respect adult decision-making: Students in emerging adulthood are adults. Trust their capacity to make choices (even when imperfect) and be prepared to guide reflection afterward.

• Frame missteps as adult learning, not immaturity: A failed exam or dropped class isn’t always a sign of irresponsibility; it’s part of navigating adult responsibility. Normalize the learning curve without diminishing their autonomy.

• Partner, don’t parent: Approach advising and teaching as collaboration. Ask, “What options are you considering?” or “How do you see this fitting your goals?” rather than directing choices for them.

• Balance autonomy with structure: Research shows autonomy support works best when paired with clear expectations (Jang et al, 2010). Be explicit about requirements, but flexible in how students meet them.

• Affirm emerging adulthood as a unique stage: Acknowledge that identity exploration, career uncertainty, and decision-making are expected at this age (Arnett, 2000). Naming these tasks helps students see themselves as adults in progress, not “kids who should know better.”

• Model lifelong growth: Share your own professional pivots or mistakes, not as cautionary tales, but as evidence that adulthood is full of ongoing learning.

  Personal note: I often tell students two stories: that I have a “WF” on my college transcript, and that I thought I wanted to go to law school until my final semester. Sharing these moments isn’t about self-disclosure for its own sake; it models that professors are human, mistakes are survivable, and growth is lifelong.

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Quick Takeaways

• The same independence toddlers practice with zippers and juice boxes grows into the decision-making skills young adults need in college.

• Autonomy, competence, and relatedness fuel motivation across all ages.

• Faculty who act like scaffolding, not rescuers, help students develop resilience and confidence, just as parents do for young children.

• Early skills don’t disappear; they compound. Supporting independence in childhood lays the groundwork for thriving in higher education.

• Guiding without over-controlling is a lifelong principle of development, whether you’re raising a preschooler or teaching a college seminar.

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References

Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American psychologist, 55(5), 469.

Arnett, J. J. (2015). Emerging adulthood: The winding road from the late teens through the twenties. Oxford Handbooks Online. doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199795574.013.36

Cullen, S. & Oppenheimer, D. (2024). Choosing to learn: The importance of student autonomy in higher education. Science Advances, 10(29). doi:10.1126/sciadv.ado6759

Deci, E. L., Vallerand, R. J., Pelletier, L. G., & Ryan, R. M. (1991). Motivation and education: The self-determination perspective. Educational Psychologist, 26(3–4), 325–346. doi:10.1080/00461520.1991.9653137

Graham, M. & Vaughn, A. (2022). An adapted self-determination measure and college student first-year achievement. International Journal of Teaching and Learning in Higher Education, 33(2), 135-142.

Grigal, M., Weir, C., Hart, D., & Opsal, C. (2013). The impact of college on self-determination. Retrieved from http://ngsd.org/sites/default/files/research_to_practice_sd_-_issue_6.pdf

Jang, H., Reeve, J., & Deci, E. L. (2010). Engaging students in learning activities: It is not autonomy support or structure but autonomy support and structure. Journal of Educational Psychology, 102(3), 588–600. doi:10.1037/a0019682

Kinsella, M., Wyatt, J., Nestor, N., Last, J., & Rackard, S. (2023). Fostering students’ autonomy within higher education: the relational roots of student adviser supports. Irish Educational Studies, 43(4), 1189–1208. https://doi.org/10.1080/03323315.2023.2201229

Müller, F. H., Thomas, A. E., Carmignola, M., Dittrich, A-K., Eckes, A., Großmann, N., Martinek, D., Wilde, M., & Bieg, S. (2021). University students’ basic psychological needs, motivation, and vitality before and during COVID-19: A self-determination theory approach. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.775804