This one is SO hard for me. I get so overwhelmed with love and admiration for my girl that I tell her constantly that she’s awesome and she’s beautiful and she’s the best. Sometimes I fear I might be giving her a little God complex, or at least a diva, but I just can’t help myself. And maybe I’m also overcompensating a bit for things I didn’t get in my own childhood.
You’re fine! She’s getting a confidence boost by seeing your genuine praise of her. Like I said in the post, praise the process a little more than the person and just be genuine because kids can see through insincerity. ❤️
This is great stuff. The Reward Trap and the “not ties to outcomes” seems to line up with something I heard recently that resonated and I wondered your thoughts.
When children say, “do you like my picture?”, parents’ response should be something in the way of “what do you think?” The idea is to direct the child to build self reliance on identity rather than becoming over dependent on the parent for the accolades.
Then, of course, when they say they like it (first), the parent agrees and says they like it also. What are your thoughts on that?
I agree! But, I caution from advice like that as a blanket statement. It’s ok to say “I love it!” And let the kid see that genuine emotion. And then other times saying “what do you think?” Or “what do YOU like about it?” It also allows us to see what the kid thinks is important in that scenario too.
This one is SO hard for me. I get so overwhelmed with love and admiration for my girl that I tell her constantly that she’s awesome and she’s beautiful and she’s the best. Sometimes I fear I might be giving her a little God complex, or at least a diva, but I just can’t help myself. And maybe I’m also overcompensating a bit for things I didn’t get in my own childhood.
You’re fine! She’s getting a confidence boost by seeing your genuine praise of her. Like I said in the post, praise the process a little more than the person and just be genuine because kids can see through insincerity. ❤️
This is great stuff. The Reward Trap and the “not ties to outcomes” seems to line up with something I heard recently that resonated and I wondered your thoughts.
When children say, “do you like my picture?”, parents’ response should be something in the way of “what do you think?” The idea is to direct the child to build self reliance on identity rather than becoming over dependent on the parent for the accolades.
Then, of course, when they say they like it (first), the parent agrees and says they like it also. What are your thoughts on that?
I agree! But, I caution from advice like that as a blanket statement. It’s ok to say “I love it!” And let the kid see that genuine emotion. And then other times saying “what do you think?” Or “what do YOU like about it?” It also allows us to see what the kid thinks is important in that scenario too.
Excellent. TY!
Intrinsic motivation is magical! I love that you started with that.
Thank you for the simple takeaway— praise the process, not the person.
And ultimately, it’s okay to do both, so long as it’s genuine!